Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
