end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
another moral hangover. fuck.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
