One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
