she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
