so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
