My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
