oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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