Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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