I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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