Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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