Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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