Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
