i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
