Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
