you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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