I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
