He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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