When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
