what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Alive.
So much puke
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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