ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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