just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
