I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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