I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
