y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
