You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
