Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
