I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
