You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
