i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want a musical about memes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
