hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
