So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
