My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
