I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
