I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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