remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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