Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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