Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
