It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
