U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
