week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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