So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
