All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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