We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
