I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
