do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
