On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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