help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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