So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
