If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
