i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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