He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
