I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
